You may think that you can get away with it and not get caught; even if you do, studies show that cheating partners experience high levels of shame and guilt associated with their actions. [1] X Research source Fisher, Maryanne, et al. “Sex Differences In Feelings Of Guilt Arising From Infidelity. " Evolutionary Psychology 6. 3 (2008): 436-446. Academic Search Complete. Web. 2 Mar. 2015. Although many couples are able to work through their issues when infidelity comes to light, many relationships dissolve from the lack of trust bred by your betrayal. [2] X Research source Allen, Elizabeth S. , and David C. Atkins. “The Association Of Divorce And Extramarital Sex In A Representative U. S. Sample. " Journal Of Family Issues 33. 11 (2012): 1477-1493. Academic Search Complete. Web. 2 Mar. 2015. Most importantly, consider the suffering your partner will experience should your infidelity come to light. If you are not willing to accept your role in their pain, don’t go through with your plans. The repercussions of your breach of trust could follow your partner into their future relationships, negatively affecting their ability to find happiness even after they’ve left you behind. Should your actions come to light, you may very well lose the respect of your friends and family, and that can be a painful consequence to live with. Try to live up to your communities expectations of you. If you are truly unhappy in a relationship, you should have an honest conversation where you either make a plan with your partner to work together to improve it, or decide to end the relationship so you can move on with someone else. However, if you decide to move ahead with your plans, you should take the following into consideration.
Create a new email address used only to communicate with the person or people you are cheating with. Don’t tell anyone else about it or use it for anything other than your affair. If you also use this account as a burner account for online updates or to catch spam, it will feel normalized. You want there to be a certain level of anxiety attached to this account. This way, you will remember to log out every single time you access it. Only write to your affair through this account, never through your regular account. Keep your regular account logged in on your computer as you normally would, so your partner has access to it if they grow suspicious and start snooping. They won’t find anything there.
Don’t clear your entire browser history, as this will look suspicious — nobody keeps their entire history clean. Instead, go through your history and manually delete suspicious websites as soon as you’re finished using them.
If you are using a major browser to surf the internet, you likely have a private browsing option available to you. Safari[3] X Research source , Chrome[4] X Research source , Firefox[5] X Research source , Opera, and Explorer[6] X Research source all allow you to use the internet without recording evidence of it on your computer. Note that this does not mean you are completely anonymous while browsing. Websites still know your I. P. address visited their sites. As a result, you can see targeted ads generated from your “private” browsing session. [7] X Research source To avoid getting caught through your targeted ads, make sure you close out all private windows every time you’re finished using them. This will delete the cookies that lead to suspicious targeted ads.
Create a believable explanation for why you need to suddenly secure your phone. You might say that some people at work got into it and found private pictures of you and your partner, or that they sent a string of text messages to people in your contact list. If your partner is accustomed to knowing the code to your phone, it would be highly suspicious of you to suddenly insist on privacy. Don’t try to change the password, but don’t use your phone for any suspicious activity. If you need to communicate with your affair through your phone, use the private browsing option on its browser to log into your “cheating” email account. Remember to log out and close the private window to delete cookies when you’re done.
If you do use a prepaid cell phone, be incredibly careful about not getting caught with it. Have an excuse prepared just in case your partner does end up finding it. You might say that a colleague left it behind in the office and you forgot to drop it off to them on your way home, for example.
Buy separate condoms when sleeping with your affair. Purchase small packs or individual condoms rather than boxes, so you won’t get caught with extra condoms stashed in your car. Throw away unused condoms before returning home instead of keeping them around.
Don’t laugh in a mean-spirited way, and don’t make fun of your partner for having their suspicions. Simply act surprised or bewildered by the suspicions, as though it never would have occurred to you that you were acting in a questionable way.
Tell them that you’re sorry they feel that way and that you didn’t even know that you were causing them to feel insecure in the relationship. Allow them to voice their concerns, and be a good listener — don’t interrupt them or get defensive. Make note of their specific suspicions, as this will let you know what mistakes you’re making.
Tripping all over yourself to completely change your behaviours might make you look like you’re overreacting or have a guilty conscience. Don’t make dramatic changes. Simply change your behaviour enough to demonstrate that you’re making an effort to maintain trust in the relationship.
