Also ask yourself how much you really want to change – not everyone is or can be a social butterfly. Don’t waste efforts comparing yourself to others. Don’t tell yourself that you should be like them. This is simply negative reinforcement, which will only make you feel like you are different, alone, and, in extreme cases, even inferior.
Aim to break the habit of negative thoughts by becoming aware of when you are falling prey to them and by challenging their logic. For example, just because you are nervous in a crowd or at a party does not mean you look awkward. Others around you may be getting a case of nerves, too. Reframing means not just taking a positive spin on your thoughts, but also a more realistic perspective. Many negative thoughts are rooted in irrational beliefs. Find evidence that disputes your negative thoughts and find another way of looking at the situation. [2] X Research source
Rather than noticing that you are being shy, or that you may have said something embarrassing, try to take a light-hearted approach to perceived deficits. Laugh it off or carry on without bringing too much attention to what you believe is a flaw. Most people will empathize – feeling connected as a human is easier than you might think. Show interest in other people and/or the surroundings. You may feel like everyone is watching you, but generally, people are not judging you. Distorted perception is the culprit in this situation. Others are busy doing their own thing, and, in most cases, are not out to get you. A common misconception is that shy people are introverts. Introverts, in fact, enjoy solitude and recharge by spending time alone. On the contrary, people who are shy desperately want to engage with others but fear scrutiny or judgement. [3] X Research source
If you know these individuals well enough, you can even be candid with them and outright ask for advice. Let them know that you notice they seem to be very comfortable in social settings and see if they can give you any pointers. You might just get a surprise and find out that one of the people you admire for their social abilities is actually just as shy as you.
Your mental health provider can help you to diagnose social anxiety disorder and work with you to develop healthier thought patterns and the confidence to stop avoiding people and social situations.
One researcher said the best outlet for him to overcome shyness around people was to get a job at a fast food restaurant. Working at McDonald’s during his adolescence forced him to interact with complete strangers on a daily basis. He is still self-conscious in some social situations, but he credits that experience with helping him to become more successful despite his shyness. Ask friends of yours to introduce you to some of their friends or acquaintances. This is a great way to meet new people. Plus, you don’t have to worry about knowing everyone because the one person you know will act as a buffer. Talk to this person for awhile and then slowly branch out and strike up conversations with mutual friends.
If you know the person, use their name when you give a compliment. Also, be specific. Don’t just say “You look great” say “I like your new hairstyle. The color is really flattering with your skin tone”. Strive to give three to five compliments a day to a variety of people that you meet on the street and in your daily activities. Try not to select the same person twice. See how many conversations get started and how many people you leave feeling better than when you met them.
