Listen to what your body needs so that you can release your emotions. You might write in a journal, express your feelings through art, exercise, or vent your emotions in a letter you destroy later. Try to separate your raw feelings from the sad or despairing thoughts that might accompany them. For example, your brain might say things like “You’ll never find someone else to love you” or “Life will never be the same,” but that isn’t true. You’re sad, and that’s valid, but the intrusive thoughts are not.
Similarly, it’s common to fantasize about an ex post-breakup, creating an illusion that they were perfect when really, they had issues like anyone else. Let go of that illusion and see your ex for who they are, good and bad. Once you can realistically visualize your ex and the relationship, your motivation and resolve to move on will grow steadily stronger.
Choose someone you’re comfortable being vulnerable around. You might need to cry, scream, or punch a pillow while you talk—and that’s okay. If you can’t shake the sadness alone, a therapist or counselor can help you move on. They’ll help you work through your feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Even if you don’t believe you can move on, set aside the uncertainty and encourage yourself anyway. Firmly tell yourself, “I can do this. I am moving on,” until that statement becomes true.
It can help to give yourself a gentle timeline. For example, you might say, “I need this week just to be sad, but next week, I’m going to start going out with friends and doing fun things again. "
This is especially helpful to remember in moments when the sadness makes you feel like you’ll never be able to move on. It will pass, and you’ll be able to do more than move on—you’ll be able to thrive.
You’re also not alone. Many people in the world are in your position, and any of them could be the right match for you. Remind yourself that a fulfilling life doesn’t depend on your relationship status. You can find special someone if you want a relationship, but there’s more to life than that. You are complete, with or without a partner!
It’s okay if you can’t break contact entirely, but do your best to avoid situations where you know you’ll see them. If you don’t want to throw everything out, box a few things up and give them to a friend for safekeeping. When you’re ready, you can either discard or retrieve the box. Even if you’d like to be friends with your ex, it’s best not to force it immediately. Instead, say something like, “You’re still important to me, and I want to be friends in the future, but right now, I need some time to process. "
At the end of the day, it might help to understand your ex’s perspective and your own. If nothing else, you’ll know where both of you stand—no more uncertainty. It can be disappointing if your ex can’t give you a proper answer or won’t even sit down to give you closure, but it also means they’re not worth your sadness in the first place.
For instance, you might have trouble communicating because your parents didn’t like talking about their feelings. If you learn to communicate with your partner, you can have happier relationships in the future. Furthermore, consider what you’ve learned from this breakup. Breakups are hard, but they can show you much about who you are and what you want from life. Treat them as learning opportunities rather than failures.
Forgiving someone is about your mental health and happiness, not theirs. It doesn’t mean that they didn’t do anything wrong. It helps you let go of the past and move on.
Invite your best friends to spend time with you, whether you’re going out for a night partying on the town or just for a quiet dinner and movie. A thriving support system can help you through hard times. Focus on the benefits of being single! Look for ways to have fun with your friends, assert your independence, and pursue what makes you happy. Push yourself to stay busy, even on days when you feel like staying in bed with a tub of ice cream. You’ll feel happier and healthier when you’re out and about with people you love.
Remember that self-care doesn’t mean eating lots of junk food or doing other unhealthy things. Now is the time to take care of yourself in mind and body.
For example, you might learn to draw, take guitar lessons, start playing tennis, or visit a city you’ve never seen before. It also helps to develop new interests and hobbies after a breakup because you’ll have something you can do without thinking of your ex.
For example, a simple act of kindness might be thanking the person who bags your groceries, holding the door for someone whose arms are full, or helping someone who needs directions. You can also practice generosity by helping your friends and family members. Tackle a chore they need help with, or simply ask them about their day and how they’ve been doing.
When you start dating again, make sure it’s not a rebound. You’ll know you’re ready when you feel excited about the idea of having a genuine connection with someone. Focus on building connections with people rather than finding love again. Take the time to get to know them before you dive into something serious.
