While converting to your spouse’s religion might never happen, if you aren’t overly religious yourself, the difference in beliefs may not be noticeable in the marriage. Having said that, if you are not a religious person in general, marrying someone who is deeply religious and follows a large number of religious traditions may change your life significantly. If your religious orientation is quite similar to the one your partner follows (e. g. both religions are Christian), combining the two faiths into one household may not result in many problems.
If your family has never been very religious, it may not matter if you’re independent or not, as they may not care about religion anyway. If you realize you are not very independent, and your family doesn’t approve of other religions, you can most likely expect a very negative reaction from them regarding your fiancé. And due to your relationship with your family, it may be a reaction you’ll be unable to ignore. Prepare yourself for possible negative reactions and outcomes before you talk to your family so there are no surprises. If you’re not sure how your family will react, you might want to feel them out before you tell them about your fiancé. In order to do this, you may need to subtly bring up similar topics in conversation to see how they react and what opinions they have. Use this feedback to determine the best possible way to break the news to your family.
Ask yourself if you can work you way through this negative social reaction. Discuss with your partner how you would handle situations like this, specifically those that happen in public. Do you both share the same view on how the situation should be handled?
Once you determine what these limitations are, you need to evaluate if they bother you and if you can live with the consequences of those limitations.
Comparing values and beliefs can be done both explicitly and implicitly. Implicitly you can pay attention to the things your partner says and does on a regular basis. For example, how your partner reacts to news events or how they act in certain situations. Explicitly you can ask to have a serious conversation with your partner to discuss the specifics of your values and beliefs. You can start by talking about how your individual religions view certain things and then progress to personal values and beliefs that might not be related to your religion.
This step normally happens subconsciously, couples don’t normally sit down and discuss this stuff in an analytical manner. If you’re coming from a different religion than your partner, you might want to consider having an actual, serious conversation about these details. The outcome of that discussion could make or break your relationship.
It is very important that you and your partner do not convert because of too much pressure from the other person. Converting from one religion to another is an extraordinarily big step and should not be taken lightly.
If you want to hold your marriage ceremony in a specific location, or include a specific item, determine if you need to obtain permission from religious leaders to do this. If the marriage ceremony is to include one or more religious event, will there be any restrictions on the religious leader who can lead that event? For example, some religions forbid their religious leaders from performing a marriage ceremony for an interfaith couple.
Maintaining an interfaith relationship when there are only two people involved is difficult but is a lot easier than maintaining an interfaith relationship that involves children. Some religions require that the partner who follows that religion do everything in their power to promise to raise children as part of their faith.
Respect the religious differences you have with your partner. Allow your partner to follow their religious beliefs without criticism so you can do the same.
This step may require some adjustments and compromises, not to your beliefs, but to your actions and reactions.
For example, if you’d like to host a big family get-together each year, but you don’t want to do it on a religious holiday, pick a big non-religious holiday like the 4th of July or Labour Day. Another example might be to create a new family holiday based on an important date to your family, maybe your wedding anniversary or a child’s birthday. A new tradition doesn’t have to be based on a specific date, you could also start a tradition that’s related to a specific activity or place. Maybe you and your partner go to a specific holiday venue each year, or maybe you and your partner always go to a specific restaurant to celebrate non-religious events.
This is your opportunity to present a united front. You stand together as a couple, not as two individuals. Friends and family need to understand and support this. Sometimes it’s helpful to de-escalate a tense situation with humour. Being able to smile and laugh can reduce tension and allow people to lower their guard.
